plink plink ouch

Playing the guitar is therapeutic.

I can now play 2 songs, 1 week into this thing, starting from scratch-
leaving on a jet plane... and brown-eyed girl (though I prefer blue-eyed boy).

They don't sound spectacular, but it's a start.
More to come.

whirlwind

I don't really know how this summer is flying by so fast. Next Friday is August. Not really sure how I feel about that. It was a different sort of summer to begin with. Feels like it started in April, with a month of leisurely 'studying' but more hanging around. Them May turned into 'study during the weekdays, have fun on the weekends'. June was go back to ON- go up to PG- try to figure out my Vancouver life. And July has been more of the latter. With a lovely visit from my dear Pink Flamingos Lindi and Lisa thrown in the mix.

So where does that leave me? Well. 1 month till I move again. Looking forward to living with Hillary and the YWAM peeps. Looking forward to seeing dear friends Nancy and Alex again in August. And hanging out with B more.

And also- getting thrown out of the new grad program at the hospital- August 4 I am ON MY OWN. I'll get up to that 7th floor ortho trauma unit, look on the assignment boad, and see 4-6 patients with MY name in front of them and no one else. Scary. Really scary. But I can do it. There will be many frustrations along the way, and I think I'll learn a lot of stuff the hard way. But I think I'll be ready.

letters

It would not be accurate nor fair to leave you, my few and faithful readers with the labile emotional state which I found myself in nearing the end of last week. (Speaking of readers, I have very little faith in your numbers slash existence, mostly due to the fact that this blog is not publicized anywhere, particularly not on facebook. But that is fine with me. Those who find this may read it, that's how I like it anyway.)

Funny, life is. Funny how you can work yourself into a giant ball of frustration and anger and impatience, and to spend time making up ridiculous scenarios in your head of why things are the way they are. Only to have a pin poked through that balloon and it deflate rapidly by the mere plain and simple, logical explanations of life. People are busy. Things happen. Change. Self- pity doesn't get you anywhere.

I was bemoaning the fact that I felt I had no one to hang out with the other night, when I came across a quote. It went something like this,

"If you feel lonely, forget about yourself. Start pouring your heart, soul, and mind into loving God and those people He has placed around you. Your life will be so full, there will be no time to sing the blues." (words of Steve Shadrach, '4 Songs that SIng the Blues")

So I took that advice. I got some paper, planted myself on the couch, and wrote a letter to a dear friend who I know loves to get mail, as she is living the sometimes hell-sometimes bliss-always extreme life of treeplanting in northern Alberta. And it's always nice to have a letter sitting at the end of that supper table waiting for you after a long, dirty, sweaty day. So I hope I could give her some sunshine.

Also, my roomie came out and sat on the couch with me, and we had a good chat. Which doesn't happen all that much, as our lives pretty much criss-cross each others.

So the adjustment phase continues. Transition. Work is overwhelming but fulfilling and exhilarating at the same time. I have friends coming soon from the east, to see my life in the west. Going back to my lovely island in a week and a half, and also looking forward to a joyful reunion when that happens. :) I've found 2 good churches here in Vancouver, and though it depends on where I live in the fall as far as where I go, it's nice to know they're out there. August is looking lovely for some trips to neat places and quality time spent with quality people.

So that is that. Onward I go.

the city on the ocean

.. don't really know what to say.

it's been a little rough lately.

i'll get through.

hopefully.

Ontar-io-io

This has been a really good trip. Only a couple days left of my time 'back east.'

I feel like I've finished a huge chapter, in some ways.

Wrote the RN exam, which was my last academic pursuit (that I can see at this point anyway). That finished off my schooling for nursing.

Graduated. So I'm done with Western, and London.

Met up with most of my closest friends on this end of the country, filled each other in on our lives, and now I feel satisfactorily caught up. I also feel like a year from now, I won't necessarily be still holding on to all of those friendships- or they will just change. From updating each other on a regular basis to a once in a while reunion. Just a gradual fading. Which might sound sort of negative, but I think its being realistic.

Saw my dear family. Discussed and laughed and had fun and saw how things have changed, yet at the same time how they always stay the same. I'm glad that they let me go. I need to go.
Had renewed eyes for the Ontario landscape- despite its relative humbleness, it still is beautiful. The green Niagara escarpment, known as 'the mountain.' I still call it that too. BC folks might scoff. The farming countryside. The open road of the superhighways. The vast flat blueness of Lake Ontario with Toronto straight across the other side. The sometimes sweltering and stifling humidity. Maples and oaks. Cars with many-lettered license plates. People that all dress fairly ordinarily and look fairly predictable, humble, homey. Cheaper groceries. Milk in bags.

Ontario, my roots are here. My heritage and childhood, most of it. I went to my old high school today. Said hi to my old phys-ed teacher, one of my favourites. Walked the old familiar halls. Crossed the dusty track out back where I thought my heart would explode from too much running. Memories.

But British Columbia. You're home too. And I am very attached to that western province, my west coast. Funny how that can happen so quickly. People are versatile, living in flux.

gearing down

.. or is it gearing up?
to leave this place.
moving out of Victoria. my dear Victoria.

this is a quote from my journal- non-edited..
Never mind, I can't find it- my writing is far too messy.
But I distinctly remember, it went something like this: "this place isn't home, I want to go back to Ontario, to the familiar and to the people I love, who know me for who I am and where I dont have to introduce myself to yet more people every time I go somewhere.. I want to be surrounded by the comfortable.."

Now I look at that and smile. Because this place has become home. I have 2 homes. I feel very blessed to have had this time to experience the west coast. What an Experience, with a capital E, this whole 5 months has been. I am relentlessly glad that I came out here. Looking back- it has been a time of such growth and stretching and learning. Which sounds cliche, but I mean that. I really do. And meeting fantastic people and seeing such beauty in creation and carving out a new niche on this side of the country...
And I have become comfortable. I went to a friend's birthday a while ago, and it was a lot of fun. And after I left, I had a bit of a realization. I knew everyone there. (well, except 1 person, but still). I had met them all. They knew who I was. I didnt haven't have to go through awkward introductions, and remember names, and make small talk. (Don't get me wrong, this all has its place, and meeting people is great- i am a fan. really. ). But sometimes, you just need to be around people who know you. And these people know me. Not super well, but that will come.
And now, there are friends out here, people very dear to me, who know me and who I can be myself regular old self with and reminsce about stuff we've done, and laugh, and discuss, and it's just. so. good.

too bad its over.

But, you know, its ok. there's 2 sides to this coin. Yes, its over. I'm done in Victoria. But there are several points to consider.

a) I might be back. i will be back to visit, and who knows, maybe even back to live. And I'll be able to continue what has been started...

b) it can happen. to find community and friends and a place in a new place- and it will- in Vancouver. it will be different, but it will happen. and i know that sometimes, it'll feel awful. but more of the time, it'll be good.

c) i know this city now, at least a bit. some cool little places. so I can show people around. and pretend that i actually live here even though I only was here for 5 months. woot. :0

thats all, folks. for now anyway.

already playing tour guide with my dear friend Katelin... from ON with love

les cafes

I really like coffee shops. Sometimes, I think, abnormally so. I love to go to good old Starbucks, bring my journal, get a drip coffee and a biscotti (or a bigger indulgence if I feel like it such as a vanilla latte and piece of cake) and just sit, in that atmosphere they have concocted so well. and write. Let it pour forth. When I need to process things, its a great place to be. I know other people who do this as well, on a regular basis, so it's not that weird- just a disclaimer- everyone needs their outlet. Plus I love sweet goodies with the balancing taste of coffee. 'de coffee and de kookie' it's in my Dutch blood.

I think that the west coast has rubbed off on me, because I used to always go to Tim Hortons, and S-bucks was reserved for special occasions and coffee dates with friends. But now, I frequent the latter a lot more- perhaps too much- but its just got so much of a better atmosphere. perhaps I am turning into a coffee snob. I hope not.

Anyway, thats about all I have to say. But I felt like posting about something trivial rather than deep thoughts. Or vague deep thoughts, as they probably come across on this blog, since I don't want to mention any identifying details of any people, places, or situations that I encounter- just because it's a blog. And blogs are meant to be mysterious to a certain extent.

it's going to be a good weekend I think. my last full weekend to be steeped in Victoria-ness.