a beautiful morning. stumbling out of the tent and gradually waking up as I walk down to the beach, silent and calm. sun rising shrouded in mist. tide up again. never would you know that the night before it was low and mysterious, revealing crunchy things to step on and a mysterious seal barking, beckoning us to catch him if we could. bathing in campfire smoke all night, laughing and singing, songs we would never voice in daylight when it seems people are more critical, eyes are more sharp, personas less bold. going to bed, early yet it seems so late away from the artificial extension of light. shivering with nothing but a supposedly 'warm' sleeping bag to shield from the crisp night air, awakening to this new day. crows cawing. could be anywhere- Ontario in July, or BC in Feburary. forgetting about the cold. savouring a muffin for breakfast and a smore. sitting around the fire meandering until midday. this, my friends, is camping. this is what i love.

breezy days

It seems to me that spring has come to Vancouver Island. And it is the end of February. It's quite lovely.

Despite the fact that the weather is great, I do think that eventually I would miss my Ontario extremes... the west coast is almost the land of the monoseason. Green with sun and rain, green with rain, green with sun... theres not HOT humid BRIGHT fall colours COLD snowy GREEN spring. But I am likely judging too soon.

I worked night shift last night and the night before. It was interesting. Its tiring, not because its so busy, but because staying up all night is really strange. It involves lots of sneaking around with flashlights checking on people. I am becoming quite talented at listening for breathing. And checking IVs in the dark. The 2 nights I were there for were fairly quiet, apparently, but I can see how things could get crazy at a moments notice. Even last night, 2 of my 4 patients in the room were throwing up, IVs were beeping, and someone was running a fever. Its a strange world.

Today I went to Starbucks for a meeting with a woman from the new grad nurse hiring program here in Victoria. Got the wheels turning in my head a bit. I've applied to quite a few places now and in the next couple weeks am going to follow up with some of them so I'll see what happens.

I would just like to say that one of the greatest parts of living here in Victoria is how I can bike everywhere. It's a great way to get around.

Had a great time camping and exploring last weekend on my days off when my good treeplanting friend Nancy came to visit. Big trees, expansive ocean, fluctuating tides, crackling campfire, blue skies. it was all there. fantastic. I had lots of fun taking pictures too- I think photography is my new 'hobby'. (If you could call it that- I don't have a fancy camera and I just take the same kind of shots all the time which I have found to look cool. :)

I saw Juno with a couple of friends on Saturday. Loved it. Juno is a great character. It's got some good underlying themes that are woven in seamlessly- relationships take work but are ever so worth it. adoption is a good option. life is precious. is it ever.

to be a nurse

I am done my 4 day shifts.

they were good. I must shamelessly admit that I am proud of my own progress. I'm going to be ready to work as a full RN in a few months. there's so much to learn, though. There are a few nurses who work on my floor, including my preceptor, who I respect so much- they're been doing this for years and years, and they're amazing at their job- 'supernurses'. They can spot complications in the blink of an eye, they know what to do in all the tricky situations... its pretty amazing. I aspire to be like them.

funny story. One of my patients is a little old man, we'll call him George. Now, George had surgery before, during which he went into cardiac arrest and nearly died, but they did CPR and revived him on the operating table. He had been told about this and was very grateful to the surgeon for saving his life. George had left our unit to go to a different one, for people who are less sick (rehab) but suddenly took a turn for the worst so they had to operate on him again. This was last night. He woke up in his bed back on the ward, at about 3 30 am, and was so thankful to be alive that he voiced his thanks, despite the other 3 people in the room- in a loud voice, "I'm alive! I'm alive!" George was thrilled. His roommates were not. His partial deafness makes him speak quite loudly. This morning, when I went in to hang his IV and check him over, he proclaimed in a loud voice, "I would just like to apologize to you all for what happened last night, I was just so happy to be alive! I made it through again, i had to celebrate!" This was at 7am and his roommates were still sleeping, tired from his 'celebrating.' So, they woke up again.. but all snodded in agreeement and one even said, "We're glad too, George."

I just thought it was cute. You kind of had to be there, but still...

one of the great parts about working with people is that they are all so very different.

I am really looking forward to these days off. I've got a hike in the works, my dear friend Nanc is coming to visit, and we're even going camping with some fun people 'up island' later on (it's reading break at UVic). so I am content. Life has gotten sunnier. Or more accurately, I guess that I've chosen, or am trying to choose, to embrace the 'rainy' parts. Such as missing people dear to me, and the looming unknown, and feeling like I've got one foot in ON and one foot in BC and the gap between them is widening. But worrying is pointless... and really, life is good.

more to come, I will update this week.

today it rained. both out the door, and in my mind.

i miss people. i miss the way things were, though then i was wishing that they were the way they are now. funny how that happens.

transitions come with tears, though. a wise friend told me that when i was telling her that i still didn't know if i was coming out here or not.

gotta remember the big picture of blue.

the big picture of blue

Something cool that I have noticed about flying is that it's always sunny up there. I know that this is because you are above the clouds, in a different layer of the atmosphere, etc etc (being a nurse rather than a meteorologist I don't really know what I am talking about scientifically).

But it gets me thinking that God sees the big picture. A popular view of heaven, which we will not know the truth of until we get there, is that it's up in the sky, above the clouds.
This kind of gets me thinking when I fly (okay, the two times that I have flown in the last year). Because when I look out of the little round window of that plan, and up straight up- all I see is deep blue space. I feel like I'm looking straight up into heaven- straight up into that huge expanse of blue. Where everything is so astronomically big, as far as the eye can see, thousands of metres above the little earth where we are all so tiny, living out our little lives.

God does see that big picture. He's up in the blue, and He can see infinitely off into the distance, even when it's raining down below. Or snowing. Or we're in a complete blizzard. Beyond our shortsighted roads and houses and dreams and plans. He sees blue. It's coming.

february days

i feel like i've done so much thinking lately. about who i am and what i should be doing with my life and where God really wants this girl and what my priorities should be. good, soul churning stuff. to be patient, and just to sit back and let things unfold. and to know, always, that its not about me. at all. i'm just a silly girl living life on this earth trying not to mess things up, but continually failing, and returning again and again to rest in the grace of a God who is far bigger than i can ever comprehend.

there is nothing like

a bar of dark chocolate, slightly softened, that melts in your mouth. the open expanse of the ocean. the fresh feeling of the wind on your face as you spend the afternoon outside. family. comaraderie in peeling carrots and making meals. beaches at night, and the way that the waves roar against the rocks. climbing. greenness. coffee shops. talking, and talking some more. sunshine that you can feel against your eyeballs. new friends.

and

a quiet assurance that everything is going to be okay. right now, there is no need to worry. no need to worry about tomorrow, for it will indeed worry about itself.