those summer nights

Summer is winding down. There seems to be a sense of urgency as the weekends approach- 'quick! get out there! do something!' And indeed, Vancouver is giving snippets of its rainy days to us- throwing one in here and there, a reminder of the impending winter- 'this is what's coming, folks, so enjoy the sunshine while you can.'

And indeed I will try to do just that. Yesterday a dear friend surprised me on my porch as I arrived home from a somewhat gruelling dentist apppointment. (I've had worse, but never had a cavity filled while wearing a 'rubber dam', equivalent to having an uninflated balloon stretched over your entire mouth and being told to breathe through your seemingly too-small nostrils while 4 hands cram their way into your already obstructed mouth). But, back to the sun- I went with Nancy down to the park, and we sat on a blanket and talked. And fell asleep in the glorious sunshine while those mountains which I love to talk about loomed across the water.

I really can't believe that today is August 22. It seems that each month goes by even faster than the one before. Am I getting old in that I keep questioning 'where has the time gone?' Is this something that comes with working, especially working in these 4 day chunks where I disappear into the hospital world, then emerge for my days off and leave Vancouver as I have done the last couple times? Either way, change is coming again. But I'm really looking forward to it. At the end of the month I'm moving out- moving across the city, in with some people who I already know and find quite fantastic. It'll be nice to live in a busy place sometimes as much as it'll drive me nuts occassionally too. And I need to find a church and get some roots put down somewhere. Living in a place that I'll be in longer than 3 months, finding a community that I won't be subconsciously already leaving before I even start going there... I think both will work wonders for feeling a little more settled in this place. Which I'll need as fall comes, life goes on, and some people very important to me are very far away.

Life is good though. got much to be thankful for.

Into the wilds

Great weekend. 2 friends plus a good hike and some mountainsides, a cold lake, lots of greenery, packs and boots, and a glorious campsite named Vomit Vista. (glorious view, not glorious for flat spots to put the tent).

The rain was there, all night, which did put a damper on things... But I was actually enjoying hiking out of there in the morning with the rain pouring down and my coat and rain pants and boots on and that sort of closed-in feeling that you get walking with a hood on when its raining- thinking about how it was good we were on our way out not in. (I didn't tell Alex I was enjoying that moment because I think she was thinking otherwise with some leaky boots). Plus the dates and figs and chocolate were so so good.

Now back to work. During the new grad sessions they told us about "stages of reality shock" when you first start this job. I think that I have entered the Shock stage (preceded by Honeymoon, followed by Recovery and Resolution). Description of this stage, straight from my handouts, is as follows..

" Decreased motivation, high anxiety, no sense of humour at work, overly sensitive, people leave their jobs and sometimes the profession if they don't make it through this stage. 'Deer in headlights.' Role frustration, increased fatigue, isolation."

Well. At least I can diagnose myself. I think my main goal right now should be just to get through each shift, get everything done I need to do, and make it home alive.

It'll come. I hope. Just have to be patient. There's a lot of things to be patient about lately it seems.

bleary eyes

Nights are weird. But I'm getting used to them. I worked all day today, but I'm fighting sleep tonight so I can sleep more tomorrow. So far its going okay.

Today was good. First day on my own. It felt good. When I get a little faster I think it'll feel even better.

The sunshine in this city was glorious today. Just fantastic. Gotta soak it up cause the rains are coming... it's kind of like this feeling of impending doom. But I think it'll have its own charms... hopefully. Tea inside with a biscuit? Mmm. Biking in the rain? Ummm.. sure. actually we'll see about that one. I don't know if I can be as hardcore as I was in Victoria.