Great weekend. 2 friends plus a good hike and some mountainsides, a cold lake, lots of greenery, packs and boots, and a glorious campsite named Vomit Vista. (glorious view, not glorious for flat spots to put the tent).
The rain was there, all night, which did put a damper on things... But I was actually enjoying hiking out of there in the morning with the rain pouring down and my coat and rain pants and boots on and that sort of closed-in feeling that you get walking with a hood on when its raining- thinking about how it was good we were on our way out not in. (I didn't tell Alex I was enjoying that moment because I think she was thinking otherwise with some leaky boots). Plus the dates and figs and chocolate were so so good.
Now back to work. During the new grad sessions they told us about "stages of reality shock" when you first start this job. I think that I have entered the Shock stage (preceded by Honeymoon, followed by Recovery and Resolution). Description of this stage, straight from my handouts, is as follows..
" Decreased motivation, high anxiety, no sense of humour at work, overly sensitive, people leave their jobs and sometimes the profession if they don't make it through this stage. 'Deer in headlights.' Role frustration, increased fatigue, isolation."
Well. At least I can diagnose myself. I think my main goal right now should be just to get through each shift, get everything done I need to do, and make it home alive.
It'll come. I hope. Just have to be patient. There's a lot of things to be patient about lately it seems.
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