Steaming mugs and thoughts

I would like to be writing this post with a steaming mug of coffee.

Though, Bronwen might wake up when I grind the coffee beans.

I'll risk it. She is a good sleeper-inner these days (like her dad!).

.... five or so minutes pass....

Alright, the French press is standing tall with some lovely decaf.. and some silky soy milk vanilla creamer. Brian is a purist when it comes to coffee and drinks his black.. as does my lovely Swedish friend (do you still Lisa?) but I prefer varying amounts of sugar and milk or cream, depending on my mood and what is available. And if there is flavoured cream/milk... I do quite enjoy it.

I haven't talked about it much, because I feel somehow that it will backfire on me, but dare I quietly say that, right now (because I know this can change quickly), Bronwen is an excellent sleeper, and she even sleeps through the night!! There, I whispered it to you, because I am kind of proud of our little lady! We put her in her crib awake, when it's time for bed, but I guess she has somehow decided that it is a nice place to be and stays there contentedly until about 6 30 am. The fact that she has found her thumb is immensely helpful in all of this, I feel. Most of the time when I go to feed her in the mornings she is voraciously sucking her thumb with her eyes closed. It has crossed my mind that we will be wheedling and pleading with her to give it up in about 4 years, but that's okay. Here and now, it is wonderful for, as they say in baby circles, 'self-soothing'.

I read an interesting blog post the other day: you can find it here. I don't know the writer personally but it is one of the blogs that I read in my blog reading roster. It is honest and real and it really made me think. I know that I only have one baby, the author has three. But it really inspired me to take the time.

Right now, it is easier. Bronwen isn't as fussy as she was before, I have some quiet moments in the morning, and I feel more energized because we're both sleeping better at night. But this will all change again, I'm sure. Especially if the good Lord does bless us with more children (not in the near future... don't get any ideas! haha).

But I really do need wisdom. And guidance. We have this little girl, she has been given to us by God, but really is His all along. (we are having Bronwen dedicated on Sunday, but more on that later). What a monumental task parenthood is. And I have been realizing that we as parents, that I as a mother cannot teach Bronwen to love God and follow Him if I am not setting that example myself, and living it out every day. Even if she is too young to understand any of this yet. I do believe that she can sense it when I am feeling content and at peace. And maybe Bronwen can even sense that God is near... I hope that she can feel His love through our love to her as parents.

How do people really do this, anyway? How do you sit around a table with your children in 20 years and think, 'they turned out pretty well!'. Why do some people's children just seem to be so... good... well adjusted... all that. And other people seem to have 'all the problems in the book' with their kids, even though they are 'perfectly nice people' themselves. I say all this in quotes, because it is really all about perspective, and who is to really say if people turn out alright, if they are 'good' or 'bad' or even, gasp, the black sheep of the family..

It all comes down to God again, doesn't it? And the T-word... trust. We put our children into His hands... and He walks beside us. Through it all.

i love this picture. i love these two. our little Newfoundlander had her first walk down by the boats last Sunday. 

a new look

I have been admiring other people's nice blogs.. and decided to try and make mine a little more personalized. So here goes. I made up a title page.. with some key pictures from my life's journey in the last few years..

Also, some pictures of Bronwen. Because we love her.

"I don't know who you think you are, but this is my bath and my room...."- to the baby on the diaper box

this...is.. how.... high -I-can-hold-my-head up! Phew!!  (excuse the greasy hair. trying out some olive oil for a flaky scalp)

 I feel slightly proud of my domestic pursuits lately, but would rather showcase them here than on facebook. You people know me better than they do.

Yogurt, homemade. Yogurt started with plain store-bought yogurt, 2 tbsp full.. and milk. Heat and cook in yogurt cooker for 10 hours (thanks Mom Claus!)= deliciousness

Granola bars. Oats, soybeans, sunflower and sesame seeds, raisins and apricots. I know you can buy them at the store... but still, these are pretty delicious... 

Musings on Milk 'to go'

Having a baby certainly opens up a whole new world, with many topics and issues that I never really thought about before Bronwen came into our life.

One of them is breastfeeding, and more specifically, breastfeeding in public.

I am the type of person who really doesn't like to be cooped up inside the house. I enjoy being home, and puttering around the house, but I like to get out at least once every day. Even if the weather is awful- which, it often is here in St. John's! (as a side note, it's sunny today- so I am enjoying that- blue skies are always welcome even if it's still bitterly cold out! I'm trying not to be jealous of the warmth in the rest of the country).

Anyway, my need for activities means that I had to get comfortable with breastfeeding Bronwen outside of our house pretty quickly. The very first time I did so was when she was 5 days old. Brian and I were waiting in Shoppers Drug Mart to pick up a prescription. We had a hungry baby. And had to stick around for at least 25 minutes to wait for the prescription. It seemed silly to go home and then come back. So, I saw down in the chairs by the pharmacy, clumsily fumbled under a blanket to get all the parts in order, and fed Bronwen. It was probably pretty obvious that I was breastfeeding her, given that there was a brightly patterned receiving blanket draped over my front and two very small feet sticking out the one side of it. Still, I don't think anyone really noticed. Or did they? Maybe they were starting at me... but I was too tired to really care.

I have read a lot of comments from people online, in forums and groups, blogs and other writings, that breastfeeding in public is still very controversial. This can be quite dependent on where you live in Canada. For example, the Atlantic provinces have the lowest breastfeeding rates. An interesting publication by Statistics Canada shows that Newfoundland has the very lowest breastfeeding initiation rate (as in, starting right from day 1 in the hospital), at 63% (compared to 93% in BC!). This is shocking considering that most of the problems with breastfeeding lie in keeping with it, not the first few days in the hospital. (those numbers are from 2003, so maybe things have changed...). At 6 months, only 9% of mothers were exclusively breastfeeding in Newfoundland, compared to the highest rate 28% in BC. Still only just over a quarter. Interesting, considering that the WHO (World Health Organization) recommends continuing breastfeeding until age 2 or beyond. (that's something else to think about... personally I can't picture breastfeeding a 2 year old in public. That's more likely to be a bedtime thing or something)..

If you look in the news, breastfeeding is there too. For example, this recent article about an Edmonton politician/mother, and more about the same story here. Even celebrities cause people to take notice when they nurse babies in public (good for them, I say!).

But, back to the feeding in public- so far, I have not had any negative experiences. No one has come up to me and asked me to stop, or to cover up Bronwen. Mind you, there's not really much to cover up. I can get her latched on pretty much under my shirt, and then her body covers my belly and her head covers most of my chest. It's just the one side, anyway.
I can see how things would be more difficult if your 'equipment' was larger, however. In my case, everything is pretty compact, so it is easier to be discreet. This means that I have a portable milk bar that is fast and convenient.
And maybe, when she is older and bigger and more obvious, I will attract more attention. We'll see.

Interesting to note is the fact that I have never, since Bronwen was born at least, seen anyone else nursing in a public place. Where are all the breastfeeding mamas with little babies? Are they trapped in their houses? Or maybe, they just don't stand out because really, nursing in public is not that big of a deal. Maybe I haven't noticed them tucked away in the corners. (and I wasn't really looking before it was something I was doing myself).

There is a lot to write about this topic. What about the question of exposed breasts to nurse a baby vs all the sexual images all over the place?  Or the way formula companies subtly discourage breastfeeding? Or the guilt that moms feel if they are having trouble breastfeeding?

 Have you ever seen anyone breastfeeding in public? I'm curious.

26

 Yesterday was my 26th birthday.

When I was younger I had a little tradition going for myself. The night before my birthday, I would write myself a letter about what had been particularly good about the year I had just completed, and what I was looking forward to or hoping for in the year to come. I did this for a number of years. It's fun to look back on those letters. I didn't get around to doing it this year, though. Not really sure about last year.

my favourite people

So, to take the same angle of reflection, a lot has happened in this past year of my life. The most noteworthy, of course, being the birth of our Bronwen Elaine... I became a mother, Brian and I became parents. What a change and what a blessing.

I have learned that there are a lot of things that don't really matter. Well, I knew before that they didn't matter, but looking after this small baby has reaffirmed that to me. How clean the house is, if I managed to get done what I was planning that day, being a 'career woman' vs a stay at home mum (topic for a future post?), what other people think about parenting, if a baby uses a soother/dummy or not (Bronwen spits the thing out half the time anyway, so I guess she is making the decision for us!)... etc etc. There are so many little things in life that really don't matter. Even clothes. It sounds trivial, but I thought that I didn't care about buying clothes before... man, now I really am not interested. Which could set me up to be an unfashionable mother for the rest of my life, who has had the same shoes for the last 10 years. Oh well. At least my daughter looks cute! ;) (I am not frowning upon the buying of clothes! Just saying that I was one of those people pre-baby who wasn't really into it-- and now, I feel that the feeling has deepened...)

There is a verse somewhere in the Bible, after Jesus was born, where it says "But Mary stored up all these things and pondered them in her heart". I feel like that's what I have been doing lately. I just can't seem to articulate them, though. I have these moments of clarity, where I feel like I can really communicate what I am trying to get across, but then I lose them. Slowly, but surely I think it will all come out. I have been reading too many other blogs, and their words are often exactly what I was trying to say..

But, I can tell you about my birthday!

Last night Brian and I went on an absolutely lovely date. My birthday started out with a blizzard- a lot of snow fell overnight on St. John's, and continued on the morning of my birthday. But, that meant that the university was closed, and Brian spent the morning at home. We had delicious crepes and Kicking Horse coffee and it was lovely.

And then, the sun came out! Not a cloud in the blue sky.. our blizzard had dissipated into the expanse of the North Atlantic. So, we walked in to MUN so Brian could check something on the glider, which has just started  a 275 km mission in the waters of Fortune Bay. Unfortunately, there were some technical glitches, so we didn't get home until 5 pm.... and our reservation for the mystery restaurant which Brian was taking me to was for 6 pm. An hour, you say, that's plenty of time! Well, not quite as plentiful when there is a hungry and dirty-bummed girlie, and a drive to the babysitters. And to top it all off, a mountain of snow on the driveway including the dreaded crusty enormous snowbank at the end. From our friendly neighbourhood jumbo snow clearing front end loader- thank you, public works department...

However, with a good team you can accomplish anything. Brian shovelled while simultaneously analyzing the glider's problems, calling the restaurant to change our spot to 6 30, and admiring the sunset. I fed, changed, and  pumped more milk for Bronwen... at 6 we were in the car and driving- hurray!

Tonya, our good friend from church and also a certified baby whisperer, looked after Bronwen so we dropped her off and then headed downtown. To Bistro Sofia, a place we have admired and tried to go to twice for dessert (without a reservation, and they were always full). It was delicious! A cute little table by the window and a date with my love... doesn't get much better than that.

I had salmon.. one piece had a mango sauce, and the other a blueberry icewine glaze. With risotto and veges... delicious!

Brian had lamb shank with roasted potatoes and veges... also delicious (and a very manly big-boned piece of meat, haha, though the place was too nice to pick it up and gnaw on it ;)

They had an aamzing dessert case where you could pick your treat. Brian chose this yummy cheesecake.. 

and I had chocolate mousse!! So creamy and delicious...

We stopped at the liquor store on the way home to pick up a bottle of champagne (Yellowtail Bubbles.. not fancy but good... also, it is a resealable bottle for unpredictable babies!). And admired the $4700 bottle of wine in the 'wine vault' they have there... who buys those? I am curious! Picked up Bronwen and she was happy as a clam. Tonya even took a couple of family pictures...

it's hard to get a two month old to look at the camera for pics like this...  not the most flattering of Bronwen, but we all know she is cute anyway so it doesn't matter ;) see below

'I much prefer solo portraits'...

 Coming soon... a post on breastfeeding in public (because it is one of the realities of life with a hungry little baby!)