gearing down

.. or is it gearing up?
to leave this place.
moving out of Victoria. my dear Victoria.

this is a quote from my journal- non-edited..
Never mind, I can't find it- my writing is far too messy.
But I distinctly remember, it went something like this: "this place isn't home, I want to go back to Ontario, to the familiar and to the people I love, who know me for who I am and where I dont have to introduce myself to yet more people every time I go somewhere.. I want to be surrounded by the comfortable.."

Now I look at that and smile. Because this place has become home. I have 2 homes. I feel very blessed to have had this time to experience the west coast. What an Experience, with a capital E, this whole 5 months has been. I am relentlessly glad that I came out here. Looking back- it has been a time of such growth and stretching and learning. Which sounds cliche, but I mean that. I really do. And meeting fantastic people and seeing such beauty in creation and carving out a new niche on this side of the country...
And I have become comfortable. I went to a friend's birthday a while ago, and it was a lot of fun. And after I left, I had a bit of a realization. I knew everyone there. (well, except 1 person, but still). I had met them all. They knew who I was. I didnt haven't have to go through awkward introductions, and remember names, and make small talk. (Don't get me wrong, this all has its place, and meeting people is great- i am a fan. really. ). But sometimes, you just need to be around people who know you. And these people know me. Not super well, but that will come.
And now, there are friends out here, people very dear to me, who know me and who I can be myself regular old self with and reminsce about stuff we've done, and laugh, and discuss, and it's just. so. good.

too bad its over.

But, you know, its ok. there's 2 sides to this coin. Yes, its over. I'm done in Victoria. But there are several points to consider.

a) I might be back. i will be back to visit, and who knows, maybe even back to live. And I'll be able to continue what has been started...

b) it can happen. to find community and friends and a place in a new place- and it will- in Vancouver. it will be different, but it will happen. and i know that sometimes, it'll feel awful. but more of the time, it'll be good.

c) i know this city now, at least a bit. some cool little places. so I can show people around. and pretend that i actually live here even though I only was here for 5 months. woot. :0

thats all, folks. for now anyway.

already playing tour guide with my dear friend Katelin... from ON with love