Wednesday, 22 February 2012

To keep warm

When I have a quiet moment, there are a whole list of blogs which I like to read. It's kind of like having a lot of little books on the go, with new chapters coming out every now and then.

This was on one of the blogs..

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, 
holy and dearly loved, 
clothe yourselves with compassion, 
kindness, 
humility, 
gentleness 
and patience. 
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. 
Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 
And over all these virtues put on love
Which binds them all together in perfect unity.


Colossians 3:12-14



I didn't even realize it right away, but this was the text which Brian and I chose for our wedding. (Funny how you forget the little details so quickly!) It was also the text that my own parents chose for their wedding 27 years before my own. 

And they are good words for today, for these days, with our little girl and figuring out this whole motherhood thing. These words have new meaning when I think of them in light of the big changes in our life lately.

Compassion for mothers everywhere- for lack of sleep, crying all night with babies much fussier than my own (we are blessed, I mustn't take it for granted! Not that she is perfect or anything). Compassion for those who experience the darkness of postpartum depression, of unsupportive families, of sickness and preemies and endless hospital visits.

Kindness for my husband when I am so tired and cranky and just need some more sleep... to keep myself in check and be gracious to him. Kindess for strangers to whom a small baby is such a light in their monotonous days.

Humility to accept help and advice from others, to know that we don't have to be 'superparents', to accept that not everything is always going to get done as it was before. 

Gentleness to this wee one and to those around me. Patience for an endless stream of diapers and leaking milk and just wanting to be held with her little lamb's cry. Being quick to forgive and remembering what is really important.

And over it all, love- a blanket to keep us cozy, a cloak to keep out the bitter winter wind... it will hold us together.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Rainy days

Our weather here in St. John's lately has been something like this... huge snowstorm, freezing rain, sleet, ice pellets, torrential rainfall, dry-and-cold, smidgen of sun, and repeat cycle!!
Not the greatest... but yesterday I managed to walk in that little bit of sun to the post office and get some vitamin D for both Bronwen and I in the process. So I can't complain... it's just an exercise in "now kennet nogh"-- (I have no idea how to spell that, but in Dutch it means 'Do it while you can' and is a common phrase used by my family for all types of situations!)

I am enjoying these at-home days lately. I always enjoyed being at home and being domestic, now the challenge is to be at home and be domestic while balancing the needs of a (very cute) small child. It definitely keeps me busy. Cooking and baking is always a good activity, as I enjoy it and it is also necessary to keep us well-nourished and content!

I have booked a flight to Ontario for mid-April so Bronwen will be coming with me on her first ever airplane ride to visit Grandma and Grandpa B! She will be meeting her Grandpa for the very first time so that's pretty special. I look forward to introducing her to lots of other friends and family in ON, and also taking advantage of lots of babysitting help. :)

That's all for now... more to come...

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Just a couple things...

I am just a little proud of myself at the moment... I think that's acceptable. ;) Our baby is sleeping on her sheepskin, and I got the chance to clean the whole kitchen while she lay on said sheepskin watching me (I guess it was boring?)

This morning I went to a 'mom and tot' group at a local church. It's a very small one, but it was nice to put Bronwen in the bouncer they had there, and sip coffee and chat. Good for the soul.
So much of this new motherhood thing is about getting out and talking to other mums and finding support and friendship and comraderie.. they understand what it is like I guess! 

St John's continues to be pelted with snow. It's really piling up, at this rate we won't see the grass until July because it's going to take that long for it all to melt. And when we do see the grass, it will be dead from all the salt. Oh well.

I feel like I have lost a little bit of my intelligence. Is this whole 'mommy brain' concept actually true? I was at the store the other day and I could not count my change. I had to try to recount it twice. I think I went from $1 to $3.. what happened to the 2? Oh dear. I'm sure those brain cells will grow back?! Haha. Maybe they get leached out in breastmilk.....

That's about all for now. Also, Brian makes delicious molasses cookies. Yum. It's very nice having a husband who can (excellently) cook. 

Also, sometimes when Bronwen is sleeping I just want to go and kiss the soft fuzzy hair that hangs down onto the back of her little neck. And smell her milky soft baby cheeks. Even if it might wake her up.

Monday, 30 January 2012

Coffee and snow and things I`ve learned lately

Here is another update from the land of the baby! Well, that`s what it feels like sometimes.


Here are some things that I have learned so far, in no particular order.


I have never microwaved so many gone-cold hot drinks.

Baby poop can become projectile.. especially at 4 am when I have decreased reflexes.

Coffee is delicious.. but it`s better to have decaf, so I can take advantage of the napping opportunity window.

People can be remarkably generous in their gifts and admiration.

Most Newfoundlanders have never heard of the name Bronwen.

Some people are scared of newborns. They are very small, it`s true.

Sometimes it seems like Bronwen is growing right before our eyes. Especially in her neck rolls and chubby cheeks!

I have never loved Brian more... and we have never worked more as a team. This takes two, for sure.

Watching your husband and daughter together is really, really special.

Fresh air and sunshine work wonders.

Family does seem farther away when you have kids... a lot of people told me this beforehand.
But, on the other side, just as being far away from family and being newlyweds helps cement our relationship and help us look to each other more, being far away as new parents helps us grow closer together as well.

Newborns draw a lot of attention.

A Friday night trip to a friend`s becomes a quick walk to the grocery store for ice cream instead.

Naps are good. Real good. And sometimes you need to force yourself to lie down.

Despite running on very little sleep, I am actually functioning decently. For the most part. Better than I would have after one night with so little sleep before Bronwen was born, let alone 3 weeks worth. It must be some sort of survival mechanism.

The oddest things make me emotional. My heart is pretty tender these days. Maybe its a maternal thing.

Breastfeeding is pretty amazing. And babies love the stuff!!

It takes time to heal from childbirth, and you need to be patient with yourself after what your body has been through (a lot!).

It`s okay to not know why your baby is crying. Just hold her.

Remember to take pictures.

Remember to take the time to ponder and think about all the extraordinary events and changes of the last few weeks.

Looking at Bronwen, sometimes I can`t believe that almost precisely 3 weeks ago, she was yet unborn, and then she was here with us.

Wow.

That`s all for now.

this is still one of my absolute favourites. age approx 20 minutes.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

figuring out these days...

Life has a whole new look to it these days. Brian went back to school 'officially' on Monday (aside from a few days last week when Mum was still here). So it is Bronwen and I at home, and we are slowly figuring out this new rhythm.
Bronwen is usually sleeping when Brian and I get up, so we are able to have our usual oatmeal and tea for breakfast. Around the time that he leaves, she is usually about ready to get up, and eat, and have a bath... maybe or maybe not in that order. In the mornings she seems to be quite the happy little clam. However, I have noticed that she does not sleep those 17 hours per day that newborns are 'supposed' to sleep or whatever it is. She is usually too busy looking around at everything. And grunting and making other noises... testing her voice maybe? :)
In the afternoons I try to have a nap... this may or may not succeed depending on how noisy Bronwen is and if she is sleeping too. She has fallen asleep on my chest on the couch the last couple days which seems to work out well for both of us. Around 5 pm, things start to get a little messy and she gets really fussy and just wants to be held. Cue one armed supper making, baby carrier wearing, music on and white noise such as space heaters. It seems to work, for the most part. 
Overall I am very much enjoying being a mama. There are a lot of things that take some getting used to, of course, but we are very much in love with this little one. She makes us laugh too... when she does monster burps and makes funny faces and just looks up at us with (really) wide eyes...


Saturday, 21 January 2012

Bronwen Elaine Claus- January 9, 2012, 2:21 pm

My heart is so full of things to write about our beautiful new daughter that I don't even know where to start. So, I guess I'll start at the beginning- her birth!!

This is long, but there is a lot to say ;).

Last Sunday, January 8, I was feeling exceptionally restless and irritable. Looking back, I don't know if this was just impatience, feeling cooped up because of the Newfoundland January weather, boredom (everything can start to seem boring after a while when you are waiting for something!)... or some sort of pre-labour sign! We went to our friends Alex and Adrienne's house for supper. They made delicious spicy Mexican lasgana (spicy foods can trigger labour, so say the old wives tales?) and we also had mulled wine (I indulged with about a cm of it).

We walked home and went to bed.

I woke up at 0130 with contractions. At first I was kind of sleeping through them, because they felt like the same ones that I had been getting previously with all the false labour. But after about half an hour,or so, I realized that they were definitely stronger than anything I had had before and quite close together. I got up around 0230 cause I was too restless to stay in bed and didn't want to wake up Brian yet.

Mum, with her mother's ears, heard me get up and joined me at around 0300. She timed some contractions for me and they were definitely around 3 minutes apart already, and were strong. The uterus is a VERY strong muscle, I have discovered! I was still in denial that I might actually be in labour, but Mum said she thought that this was it. She was right. I had some pineapple and a bit of water but I didn't really feel like eating anything already by this point. The contractions were really intense by around 0400 and I couldn't do much when I was having one except breathe... no talking and not much moving. It is amazing how the uterus just takes over. I thought it might be time to start going to the hospital, which surprised me because I had always said I wanted to labour at home for as long as possible. Looking back, I was a lot more comfortable in the hospital than at home and it was a very good idea to go in when we did. I tried to have a shower at home but it was kind of chilly and not really all that soothing.

At around 0430 I woke Brian up- had decided to let him sleep as long as possible because he would be much needed later! He sprang into action- got up, showered and shaved (must be clean shaven to welcome a new baby! :). Then he shoveled the driveway.. it was lightly snowing out. After stopping several times for contractions between getting off the couch, getting dressed, gathering up stuff, putting on my boots, and making it out the door, we were in the car and on our way. We got to the hospital at about 0530 on January 9.

We went in through the ER entrance. I told Brian that I wanted to walk in myself from the parking lot and didn't need to be dropped off (stubborn! haha). I thought gravity might help the baby to keep moving down.. that's what I had read so much about already. I leaned on Mum and Brian through the halls as we made our way up to the case room (note: In Newfoundland, Labour and Delivery is called the Case Room- not sure why!). Mum waited outside while Brian came in with me to be triaged.

The nurse got my info, did a quick heartbeat on the baby (strong and regular!), and checked me- I was 6-7 cm dilated already! And my water hadn't broken yet. After about half an hour they got us into a 'birthing room' at about 0630 or so. The first thing I did was go into the bathtub... mmmmm, nothing like warm water. The nurse, Rayna, was great and would just check the baby's heart rate with the Doppler (portable little thing to check the heart rate) so I never even had to get out. No IV, no fetal monitoring with the belts across my belly, this was great. I had given them a sheet in triage with my preferences for the birth and I never saw it again, but the nurses followed it to the letter, for which I am very thankful.

At 0730 a new nurse came on. Her name was Robyn and she was AWESOME!! 30 years of experience, and she was also trained as midwife! So that was a real answer to prayer. She said that she was assigned to me today because they knew I wanted a natural birth and she loves being present at these births, it is kind of her 'specialty' and she gets only a few a year. She never left the room until after Bronwen was born. We said she should go get a coffee or something at some point, but she said, "I don't want them to pump you full of drugs when I'm gone!" or something like that. I thought that was cute. Not that that would've actually happened, but I could tell she really cared about being there for me and she was really looking out for what I was hoping for in the birth. That was so special because I had been worried about going into the hospital and having all sorts of things done to me.... but she made it seem like we were at home with a midwife!

By this time I was starting to be more and more uncomfortable. Robyn checked me and I was 9 cm dilated already. It was probably 0830... maybe. Not really sure on the times. I tried all sorts of interesting different positions for labour.. in the shower, on the bed, over the table. Robin's coaching really helped, and it was great to have Mum and Brian there too. They were very patient. I don't think I was too awful to them though! ;)

My water broke on its own when I was lying on the bed-- what a huge, warm gush!! Thankfully it was nice and clear-- no meconium-staining which can mean that the baby is in distress. Something else to be thankful for.

After a while it was time to push. This was a very interesting, intense experience. I have heard people say it is a relief to push, and I don't know if that was necessarily true (SUCH hard work!) but it at least feels like you are making progress. Dr. Duggan was here by this point. She was so awesome and I couldn't have had a better doctor at my delivery. It was really special because the room was by no means full of people- just me, Brian, Mum, Dr Duggan, and Robyn. There was a 'baby nurse' right at the very end but she was only there in case of trouble and just stood off to the side.

I ended up pushing for 3 hours, I didnt know this until afterwards. Time just sort of blurred together. It was a slow process to get that baby out, as my contractions weren't super close together. Robyn was checking the baby's heart rate every 5 minutes or less, and it was good and strong the whole time. Some doctors might be looking to speed things up after 3 hours of pushing, but Dr Duggan was content to let things keep going at our own speed.

Finally, our baby was almost here. They told me just a few more pushes. It seemed so surreal. Most intense moment of my life really. And then she was out!! Such a relief. "It's a girl!!!" said Dr Duggan. They put her up on my chest right away, and there was our brand new baby daughter, looking at me wide eyed, with a head full of hair and covered with vernix and all warm and goopy and squishy... she was beautiful. We all cried. Bronwen Elaine Claus was here!! 2:21 pm, January 9, 2012. We were overjoyed.

 We looked Bronwen over everywhere, and she looked at us. Brian cut the cord, and she was on my chest for the next 2 hours. She even nursed beautifully, someone was hungry! ;) Dr Duggan even examined her right with me in the bed.... everything looked great and she was perfectly healthy.

yup, good looking bum! ;)

Finally after we had all that solid bonding time, Robyn took Bronwen and weighed her- 8 lbs 4 oz! Measured her head (36 cm) and length (21 inches) and put her in a little sleeper.




Brian got to hold Bronwen for the first time, and I got all washed up and ate some toast. It was the best toast I've ever had ;).



What an experience. We are so thankful for a healthy baby daughter, a good delivery, an excellent doctor and nurse.... praise God from whom all blessings flow....


just to inform you...

I am still here!! Sorry about the lack of posting. I have so much to write.. my heart is full. But with a little one that gets hungry every three hours or less, or less, plus all the other baby caring and loving and enjoying-type activities, there isn't time for a whole lot these days. And getting a nap in becomes mandatory too...
It's amazing how quickly the days go by.

Bronwen at 5 days old... a week ago now!