the pull

Here I am, plugging away at studying for the RN exam. I'm actually learning quite a bit. It's amazing how much we learned during the 4 years, and equally amazing how much of it I have forgotten. But a couple more weeks and I think I'll be okay- slow and steady.

A lot has been going on lately. sometimes its a little bit hard to get my head around. some worry going on too. scared. heart's getting pulled. so much change. I only have 2 1/2 weeks left in Victoria. Then Ontario, then Vancouver. can't stop it so just gotta go with it...

"God guides us, despite our uncertainties and our vagueness, even through our failings and mistakes.. He leads us step by step, from event to event. Only afterwards, as we look back over the way we have come... do we experience the feeling of having been lead without knowing it, the feeling that God has mysteriously guided us" Paul Tournier

H2O Go

waves. torrents of water.
constant. liquid, surrounding, salty and fresh.
living. always moving. ebb and flow.
calm, peaceful, yet there it comes. rumbling in the distance. tingling in your ears.
and then
hold your breath. take the plunge.
roar, crash, foam, breakers of white on blue.
under. and up again for air.


kind of like life. and oh how I love it.

RN

I got the job. :)
Vancouver General Hospital, Orthopaedic Trauma, 7th floor, RN, full time.
Start date June 24. I am an employee of Vancouver Coastal Health.

Scary, really. I'm going to have my very own patients. No preceptor, no clinical instructor, just me. Good thing there's a lot of support there for new grads, cause there's sooooo much to learn. But I look forward to it. For now, though, I'm enjoying these 2 months off.

Camping, surfing, more camping coming up- it's pretty fantastic actually. Supplemented by studying for the CRNE so I actually get to work in that glorious hospital, rather than having my temp license ripped out of my little hands when they find out that I fail. It'll be a relief to get that monster of that exam over with.

Victoria is a beautiful place right now. Sun shines, birds sing, cherry blossoms blowing in the wind, flowers everywhere, and the ocean just a stone's throw away. That's kind of a weird expression. But from the top of Mt Tolmie, if I had amazing arm strength, it seems like I could almost throw a rock into that huge blue pond...

What a crazy time right now though. I have 26 days left in Victoria. That's not much, not much at all. I'm going to miss this place, and the ties are getting stronger to this little island. I never would've thought, when I came here to BC in January, that this was how things would pan out... and the adventure continues :)

blue ocean. blue sky. peace is creeping in.
thanks, pants.

April days

What a month. What a semester. What a year.

The waffling and flip-flopping and happy-happy to sad-sad and all the little spots in between- the allure of a new place and the gentle tugging of roots in the old. Sometimes drowning, floundering, yet building that new little community bit by bit- back of the mind says its transient, don't hold on too tightly, heart says you never know and some friends are friends for life. Hesitating to make the leap yet again, yet knowing that to stay will not work. struggling with an organized and efficient nature that fights the idea of sitting back and relaxing, yet slowly is warming up to the idea morning by peaceful morning. lots of room to breathe. think. what a gift, really. May. each day- "What do you have for me Lord?" each month. each year. this LIFE.

norah jones softly playing in the living room. spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove. french bread, salad, noodles. table set for 4.

this is the scene in my house right now. je suis contente.

still waiting in terms of jobs and such. but you know, it's okay.

funny how emotions just wrestle with us eh? or rather we wrestle with them. either way. it's so easy to get caught up in a particular mindset. to get all in a dither about something, but then when you really sit back and ponder it, realize its not such a big deal after all. to worry about how things are going to turn out. to fret cause you think something is a lost cause. but then slowly and surely, like a warm blanket, reassurance comes.

if i find my way

throught the darkest of days

will i laugh about the things that kept me awake?

but if my greatest fear

paints itself so crystal clear

will i run away, or will i hide

and if I dont come home tonight

just know i tried my best to fight

please dont think i planned to lose to the night

and crystal moon so dull and bright

my heavy soul cant stand the light

it burns me straight to the bones, my bones...

- rocky votolato, 'wrong side of Reno'

sounds so simple, the previous post. but it's not.
i'm officially done my shifts and i already feel like i'm drowning in the pool of post-graduation unknownness...
aaargh.