the ordinary things

Yesterday was a 'clean the house' day. Bronwen was napping and I found my old mp3 player. The little round one that I bought off my brother Jonny for $20 ages ago. (he was quite the salesman). It holds a grand total of 27 songs.

So there I was scrubbing the bathtub listening to some old favourites. It's amazing how music brings you back. I had made that particular playlist probably around my 3rd or 4th year at UWO. I listened to it when I ran around the Whitehills neighbourhood in London while living at the Pink Flamingo. Thought about and pondered where life was going to take me in the next few years, on the cusp of graduation and so many changes. Thought about treeplanting summers and relationships hoped for and lost, about where I would go for my fourth year clinical placement and if I wanted to work in obstetrics or outpost nursing. If I wanted to stay in Ontario or move to the west coast or none of the above.

And now, a lot of those questions are answered. I'm sure if we could somehow see into the future, we would worry an awful lot less. Though we might also worry more. And how would be ever learn to trust?

There I was yesterday listening to those same old songs. Living in St. John's, Newfoundland- I never thought I would have lived on the east coast. The very easternmost coast. Married to my best friend in the world, who is the salt for my pepper, the cheese for my wine, the love of my life. With a daughter named Bronwen who is already such a little character. Having worked almost 3 years in emergency nursing but looking towards labour and delivery in the future. Right now, a stay at home mum, homemaker, housewife, however you like to put it.

I was content, scrubbing that bathtub. Because I feel very blessed.

This weekend's adventures

I must confess that I am a bit proud of Brian and I for managing to get out on quite a few adventures this summer already.. considering it is our first summer with a baby, and he has had very long and busy weeks driving out to Holyrood every day to do field testing. This weekend we went with some friends out to a cabin near Clarenville. It's an old family home from our friend Jillian and was a genuine Newfoundland saltbox in Hillview, near Trinity Bay. Unfortunately I didn't take any pictures of the actual house.. but it was very nice and quaint!

hiking the Skerwink Trail

Beautiful scenery!

Family picture... even though Bronwen isn't too interested

See the whale?

the guys

sleepy bear cub

this bag of marshmallows was a hit!

Dad, you're HILARIOUS!!

Dave makes delicious grilled chicken and pineapple

Nathan brought some instruments.. Brian tries out the harmonica

Nathan serenading us

Group shot in the morning! Pancakes, bacon and eggs.. yum!

We stopped for a swim in this lake on the way home. Right off the highway, it was really nice! I put Bronwen in up to her waist but she wasn't so impressed, it was a little chilly. So she hung out on her blanket under a tree while we swam.

It was a great weekend!

Adventures in the wilds of Newfoundland

I was inspired by the blog posts of the summer adventures of my friends this morning (Lindi in Alberta, Katelin in Oklahoma and Ashley in Ontario) so I decided to write a blog post to tell you of our own little adventures this weekend!

On Friday night we packed up our small car (Bronwen in her car seat plus the 2 of us and our hiking packs= FULL!) and drove about an hour 'up da shore' aka down the Southern Shore Highway. For those of you interested in geography around here, it basically runs along the east coast of the Avalon Peninsula- parallel to the East Coast Trail. That trail is one of the best parts of living in Newfoundland. It is basically one long coastal hike of awesome scenery... connected by a string of quaint little towns/villages/communities.

I had planned our our trip, consulting the maps and determining that 'Timber Cove Beach' near Brigus South was where we would spend the night. It looked promising... open meadow, oceanside, and not too long a hike from the car. When we are carrying everything in including Bronwen, we haven't been as ambitious.. especially since it was already 7 30 pm when we got there.

Turns out Timber Cove Beach was really swampy.. not really camping material. We went further up the trail, as it said on the map that there was a 'Herring Cove Beach' with an undeveloped access trail. This sounded like the perfect beach for us. 

I guess we should have remembered that 'undeveloped access trail' usually means 'you will never be able to find this trail, and no one else has been able to either'. But, we did find the beach- because we were looking down on it! From the top of a creek that flowed (or, trickled) very steeply down some sharp rocks to the beach. With a slippery gravel slope on the one side and boggy overgrown grass on the other. 

Well, when is is getting dark and there doesn't seem to be anywhere else to camp, what does one do but climb down and make the best of it? It was pretty steep, and probably not the greatest idea to do with a baby on my back. But, we made it.. Brian went ahead and found the best path :). 

do i look scared? because I was...

the beautiful sunset... can't see anyone; feels like we are alone in the world :)

high cliffs on 3 sides, ocean on the other

my woodsman made an awesome fire

wine for treat

Dad, your hair is so interesting...

a beautiful morning

almost made it up and out!

As you can see by the pictures, we had a lovely evening with malt vinegar and sea salt kettle chips, smokies and sourkraut, s'mores and wine. And a baby who slept pretty well in her tent. I was half awake for a lot of the night worrying about waking up to water in the tent (the waves were getting louder and closer, it seemed) but Brian assured me that we were well above the high tide mark and he was right. (of course, if a sudden storm had come, it might have been a different story- but chances were low). In the morning we had peaches and oatmeal and coffee, and did a bit more of a hike before heading home. It was a great time, and I'm glad that we can still do these things with a baby! Bronwen is a very tolerant little soul, and seems to take all this adventuring in stride... I'm hoping this is fostering a love of the outdoors in her. Either way, it's really fun to do these things as a family!

July already!

Well, it's a rainy Sunday morning and I am up with Bronwen. She is sitting on her sheepskin by the window playing with her toys. (yup, sitting- hurray! propped up with a pillow behind her, but that's mostly to avoid any sudden lunges. I think a couple head-banging incidents already have taught her that it's not so fun, though).

spying on the little lady in her sleeping nest

We have had a great July so far. Well, a really good time in Newfoundland since we got back from our trip! We started off by going camping the first Friday night that we were back. Some friends were going and they invited us along.. at first I thought, "Oh dear, we just got back, and now we're going to try camping", but Bronwen was already a bit confused with her sleeping then so we figured it couldn't get much worse. And, despite some trouble going to bed ('what is this yellow bubble thing I am in tonight Mum? it's not very dark in here!') she turned out to be quite the happy little camper.
It was also a very beautiful and clear night out at La Manche and the stars were out in full force. We enjoyed some delicious fire-cooked food. There's nothing better then eating outside, it makes everything taste better!









 And then this past week, my brother Chris came to visit us for 4 nights. It was a pretty last minute trip as he had some mandatory time off from flying. He had never been to Newfoundland and had never met Bronwen either so it was a doubly special visit. We had some fun exploring around St. John's and to top it off the weather was beautiful (and a lot hotter than we are used to, they were the hottest days of the year so far!) It was neat to catch up with Chris as I don't get to talk with him a whole lot, we have pretty different schedules. I am proud of him, he is really doing awesome as a pilot and in his adventurous life in general!

 In other news, Bronwen is growing in leaps and bounds! She has become a lot more interactive in the past month or so and really is quite fun to watch as she scoots around the living room on her tummy (and gets stuck under the coffee table). The Jolly Jumper is also a big hit these days as she seems to think it is one of the most fun experiences of her life so far (which is probably is). It's amazing how fast babies grow! Soon we will be giving her some fruits and veges to start her along the solid-foods journey, which is always a fun (and messy) experience. We went through a little phase in the last couple weeks of her waking up at 4 or 5 or 5 30 am and not really wanting to go back to sleep, but now for the last 2 days she has woken up at 5 or 5 30, but slept again till 7 30..which feels really good compared to getting up with her at 6 am or even earlier. Sleep is a very good thing and not something that we take for granted anymore! Especially sleeping in. But it's all worth it, for sure.

all of us at Fort Amherst. The last 2 pics are from Chris!

Home sweet home

We just returned late Sunday night from our month long B.C. travelling extravaganza. Phew!

It was an awesome trip. So many family and friends who we got to see and catch up with. I think that we saw everyone we were hoping to see! So that is pretty special (plus a couple of bonus people along the way who we weren't expecting to see at all).

We have a lot of pictures, which I still need to sort through. That's always fun though, because it's a chance to relive all the fun vacation moments.

I was surprised at just how good it feels to be home. We stepped into our own house on Friday night and gave a collective sigh of relief. It is wonderful to travel and catch up with friends and family, many of whom very graciously allowed us to stay in their homes. But it's always nice to be home at the end of it all.

For at least my first year in St. John's, I was often pining for the west coast... at varying degrees of intensity. I had just moved there from an amazing year in Vancouver, from a year and a half in BC, and having never lived there before I was still in my 'honeymoon period' with the west coast, probably. I couldn't help but compare all the things I missed about Vancouver and Victoria with my new surroundings in St. John's. The friends I had left behind, the better weather and the mountains.. all of those things.

But now, almost 3 years after I moved here, I can really say that it feels like home. Sometimes I think it takes a good trip away to cement that in your mind. We have a great community here with good friends- many of whom have become like family, since our 'real' families are so far away. We have a cute little house and a gorgeous ocean to live beside (even though it can be very fierce!). We even have a garden and ate our first radishes this morning (they were quite small, but still!) We can do awesome hikes within a short drive, and there are cliffs instead of mountains. The bad weather makes you really appreciate the sun when it's out.. a sunny day in St. John's is so beautiful and the sky is so blue. I am thankful for this city.

Wherever you live there will always be quirks. We saw that on our trip as well. Some places are so gorgeous, but very isolated.. it's hard to get to family and friends. A city can be awesome, but it does take a long time to get anywhere. Living on an island means you have to deal with the ferry (well, we live on an island too, but we rarely drive off it). Produce might be cheaper and better, but gas and rent is more expensive. Little things like that.

What really matters is who you are with, and that you make where you are living home. To throw yourself into life there. Plug in and build relationships and get involved.  I needed to tell myself this a lot during the first while in St. John's. I still do.

Life is not easy no matter where you live. The wonderful thing about visiting those you love in person, after trying to catch up/ keep in touch over the phone, is that you really get to see how things are going for them. To chat over tea or supper or dessert and share struggles and joys and see where they are at. Thank you, friends, for sharing your hearts with us. It really means a lot. It makes the distance seem shorter.

in the mountains

I am writing this post on our 3rd last night in northern BC. Though, our vacation is only halfway through... still have the lower mainland to visit! Tomorrow we are taking the train back to Prince George, and after a couple of days there are headed down to Vancouver, Abbotsford and Victoria for more BC fun. Hurray for holidays, vacation, visiting and adventures!!


This is the view from where I am typing:

webcam shot- big tree, farm yard, snowy mountains and beautiful sky..

Not bad eh? Brian and Bronwen and I have had a lovely vacation so far. It started out with a pretty busy but awesome weekend with all members of the Claus family.. including all 7 grandchildren- aged 5,4,3,2,1, 4 months and 3 months. We have all aspects of early childhood covered ;). It was great to catch up and also enjoy some of the sites to see in Prince George. Real northern BC activities such as the Railway and Forestry Museum (with a mini railroad!), Cottonwood Island Park, where we had a great picnic; and a recreation area by the Nechako River where we had a campfire and delicious dinner (including smores!)

We don't get to see this side of our family much (even less than the Bergshoeffs) so it was great as the last time we were all together was at our wedding, almost 2 years ago. After our reunion extravaganza, Brian and I and Bronwen travelled with Mom and Dad C another 750 or so km west to the town of Terrace, BC- right in the coast mountains. This is where the Claus's make their new home.. it is on a lovely island in Terrace called Braun's Island, in the Skeena River- River Mist Farm. We had a very relaxing time here and got to drink lots of tea together, share some delicious meals, do a few hikes and picnics, and even venture out to Prince Rupert.

I love this area. it's just surrounded by wilderness. Every direction you look there are mountains. Wild spaces. Unexplored peaks. I see some of these mountains and I just feel this urge to climb them. This fascination with mountains started the first time I ever saw a real mountain, from the Greyhound bus at about 5 am as we drove through the Rockies on my way to Prince George for my first season of BC planting, in April 2006.

As I look now at the mountains, I remember something I read in one of my favourite books, Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller. It goes something like this..

And these mountains, could they speak
Would thunder glory at their Maker
But instead stand silent
So that man's weak praise could be given God's attention

(I think I just made some of that up). But either way, that's kind of what I think when I look across the way at those hills.

These thousand hills roll ever on
Footprints of a mighty God
They bring me to my knees in praise
Amazing love, amazing grace
          -third Day- that one is for real ;)

I just noticed that my post about dear Chelsea has been looked at over 130 times. Maybe that is by the same person, I can't tell. But either way, her death has impacted us. It has impacted me. I think about her when I see a horse, when I think of swimming lessons, when I wrap Bronwen every night in the special blanket made by her mom Aunt Donna. I think about my Aunt Donna wrapping up her baby Chelsea every night and tucking her in to sleep and how she had to say goodbye 23 years later. I think and I wonder as I look at the mountains.

I lift my eyes up to the mountains
Where does my help come from?
my help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth

He will not let your foot slip
He who watches over you will not slumber
He who watches over you will neither slumber nor sleep

He was watching over Chelsea. That is what is so hard to understand sometimes.

Lord, grant us Your peace.

A valley of shadows..

My heart is heavy today for my family in Ontario. This afternoon they will bury my cousin Chelsea Feddema. She was only 23.

Chelsea Anne Feddema

March 31, 1989- May 6, 2012

Chelsea died suddenly and tragically on Sunday afternoon, May 6. She was riding one of the family horses when the horse ran uncontrollably into the road and was hit by a truck. Chelsea was thrown off the horse and lost her life. There was an article about Chelsea in a local paper here. And here is a clip that was on the local news.

Just like that, snuffed out. How does one bury a child? It must be the worst imaginable thing for a parent. On Sunday night after Brian and I heard the news, we crept into our sleeping Bronwen's room and just watched her breathe for a few minutes. Our children are so precious. And we do not know how long God will give them to us for. Hopefully, we will not live to see them die before us. But some are only here for minutes, some for weeks, and some for many years less than we would hope. For Chelsea, it was 23 short years.

I keep thinking about that. How God knew it all. He knew before she was born that this would all happen. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. He knew when I talked to Chelsea 2 1/2 weeks ago at her mom's/ my aunt Donna's birthday party, that exactly 2 weeks later she would be gone from us. How can we understand it all?

My dad is making a slide show for Chelsea's funeral with this song. The words are very fitting. Faith is all we can cling to, there is nothing else. God, bring your comfort and peace and most of all, hope. 

Someone posted this on Chelsea's facebook page. I thought it was neat. It is from an actual poem which I can't find, but the words are beautiful..

 And just at the moment when someone says "she's gone" , there are other eyes watching

 for her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout "here she comes!"

Chelsea (second from right) and her family:
my cousins Elise, Travis and Leah, with Uncle Harold and Aunt Donna.
(photo courtesy JannyLynn Photography)

Pray for them!!


the LORD is my shepherd

I shall not be in want

He makes me lie down in green pastures

He leads me beside quiet waters

He 

restores

my

soul

And guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake

even though I 

walk through

the valley

of the shadow 

of death

I will fear no evil

for you are with me

Your rod and your staff

they comfort me

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies

you anoint me head with oil

my cup overflows

surely goodness and

mercy

will follow me

all the days 

of my life

and i will dwell 

in the house

of the LORD

FOREVER