yams and ketchup

Sitting in front of the computer eating a bowl of yams doused with ketchup. Sometimes I have to laugh at myself. No, that is not the extent of my cooking abilities. But it doesn't take much to make me happy, and if said nourishment will satisfy me for dinner, I'll take it.

Life is interesting lately. This final semester of classes has been a whirlwind of emotions, and the last couple of months have not been easy. My world has been shaken up, and things are not near how I thought they would be when I set foot back in London at the beginning of the semester.A friend asked me today whether I look toward the new year with fear, or with hope. I honestly told him that one day it will be fear- am I ready to be so independent in the hospital with my own patients, are they going to have really high expecations of me if I go all the way to BC from ON, am I even going to be in BC in January? And then the next day it will be hope- excitement at the prospect of living on the coast, thrill with the possibilities of life, eagerness to start this profession which I love and have educated myself for, and joy for things to come. But one small trigger and I'm off into the spiral of fear again, or doubt- can't I just learn to trust?

I've been doubting myself lately. I always thought that I was a fairly stable person. Level-headed, practical, even-keel. But this year seems to be proving otherwise. The same friend told me that it was to be expected for this boundary zone of life. Finishing with the safety net of school, leaving the strict ridgidity of education which I have been funnelled through for the past 17 years, to be dumped into 'the real world' like cereal falling out of the wrong end of the box.